Posts Tagged ‘over 40’

Not good – 3dp5dt

I woke up at 4:30am this morning and balled my eyes out.  I felt teary before I went to bed, but this was full on sadness.  I know I’m not pregnant and given the quality of the embryo it confirms that my uterus is to blame.  I should have trusted myself and ignored the doctors six months ago and had things looked at.  I guess after two Caesareans and two D&C’s after 12 weeks pregnancy, it’s taken quite a hammering.  Now I just feel tired … and sad, and I miss my Dad.  I must confess that I didn’t realise it would hit me this hard.  I’m gutted, although I’m sure the Crinone is playing it’s part.   I literally felt the moment when it all failed – just like I have several other months.  The two days after transfer I felt incredibly tired.  I had to nap each afternoon and I felt the ‘full’ feeling in my uterus I remember from previous pregnancies.  I could feel the hormone crash start last night when I wnt to bed and it hit me full on in the early hours.  This morning my uterus feels back to normal – as do I.  The IVF did nothing other than reassure me that my eggs are not to blame.  It got me no closer at all.  Each month -8dpo- I know it’s over.

It all makes me stop and think about women that do this for years in pursuit of their first child.  I am totally in awe. Their strength and courage is amazing.  

I will phone my Obgyn today for an appointment.  I want an HSG.  I have to give my frosties a fighting chance after all.  If only I’d done this first and refused to listen to the ‘old egg’ argument.

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Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy…

I am grumpy.  I assume this is hormonal, but then maybe it’s just me.  Either way I’ve had a pretty easy run of it, so I’m trying to control myself and not take it out on everyone else.

Spoke to the Embryologist today.  All three embryos are level pegging and all are at text book 4 cell stage.  We are scheduled for a Blastocyst transfer on Tuesday. Of corse I know that this is really hoping for a lot and chances are they won’t make it.   If they do I will go into battle with Dr M over the number to transfer.  I want to transfer 2 as if my eggs are so great then it’s reigniting my lining issue and this is the only way I see of actually increasing an implantation chance.  A lot will depend on the quality on the day. Nearly everything I have read has said that it is standard practice to put at least two back for over 38 – I’m closer to 42!!!!

Egg retrieval

We are up at the crack of dawn to be at the hospital by 7am.  I’m, still not well and terrified that they won’t go ahead because of it.  Fortunately my cough has died down, but i am still sleeping for an hour during the day and hardly noticing any improvement.  First hiccup is the notice my temp is 38deg C.  My BP is also high at 140/80.  I usually hover around 110/60.  However my chest is clear so they will do the procedure.

Dr M smiles down at me and says ‘Now we don’t have very many do we?’  I say ‘No, we are going for quality’  He has a chuckle, they insert the drip and next I know I’m in recovery.

All I feel now is a bit bruised.  They got three eggs.

I phone tomorrow to find out if any made it.

Fertility Specialist

After the FS had pointed out that the chances of conceiving ‘at my age’ are 7% he suggested I give Clomid a go – until I reminded him of my lining issue, at which point he changed it to Femara.  He also suggested IUI just to increase the odds.  The idea of the Clomid was to give more targets but Femara notoriously only produces one follicle.  

First cycle dose was 5mg cd 2-6 with an Ovidrel trigger (10000u)  The whole cycle I felt a bit off and in hindsight I realise I wasn’t well although at the time I thought the nausea was from the Femara.  I had one follicle on RHS measuring 27mm.  I ovulate quite soon after my LH surge and knew I’d started to surge when the gave me my trigger.  As it turns out, I was called back the same day for the IUI as ‘things were moving a little faster than they realised’  A classic example of knowing your body better than anyone else.  Poor Hubby had to be dragged from work without having time to ‘psyche up’ to his maiden IUI voyage.  All went well and the procedure itself was easy.  Most importantly, my lining was measuring 9mm on that day. I looked forward to a decent period if no BFP but it was still nothing like normal.  When I questioned my FS about the lining and possible scarring he said it would be very unlikely for someone with significant scarring to get that measurement which he considered quite good.

First Femara cycle:

 

For my second cycle I had no side effects and felt completely normal throughout.  Same protocol and trigger but I think they missed ovulation by doing the IUI a day too late.  This made me decide to give up on the IUI as I found it more stress than it was worth. That cycle I had one follicle on the LHS measuring 21mm.  My lining was 9mm (better than the last cycle as I still had an extra day to ovulation)

Second Femara cycle:

For the third cycle (timed intercourse) I asked the FS if I should switch to something that would give me more follicles since that had been the initial game plan.  He suggested we try upping the dose to 7.5mg cd 2-6.  I asked for a scan so we could see if this had actually worked.  Unfortunately a different Dr performed it and had trouble ‘finding my ovaries’ (his words not mine).  He eventually found one follicle RHS measuring 18mm.  I didn’t get a lining measurement

Third Femara cycle:

I then decided to move on to IVF.  Unfortunately my FS was away on leave when I tried to book on cd21 of that last Femara cycle so instead of just waiting a month I decided to self-medicate.  I did 7.5mg for cd 1-7.  My chart was fantastic but still no BFP.  I had been doing Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine since my first Femara cycle.  My Acupuncturist is a qualified Herbalist and a Fertility Specialist.  I really think that her treatments improved my cycles and the changes are reflected in my charts.  If I had more time I would try just with her for longer.  As it is I feel that if IVF fails I have her to come back to and all is not lost.  I will use her for Acu during my IVF as well.

Final Femara cycle:

What’s already happened.

Hubby and I decided last January that our family felt incomplete.  To be honest I know it feels more incomplete for me than for him.  He would happily go on as we are.  My Dad was battling secondary Pancreatic cancer and I knew that he would be with us for another year, if we were lucky.  I wanted to share the joy of a new baby with him too.  I was still breastfeeding my youngest who was 13months but I knew that as I’d turned 40 I couldn’t hang around.  Due to my baby’s dairy allergy I had become Vegan (I have been Vegetarian for 23 years) and I knew that my health was suffering.  So at 15months I weaned and in April 2007 TTC began in earnest.  The first month (half breastfeeding) we had no luck and then tragically my Dad died on May 14th.

Losing Dad was devastating.  I knew he had terminal cancer and I knew he would die but ultimately he died from his treatment and that was a huge shock.  But that’s another story.  I adored him.  He was my best friend and the grief I experienced was like nothing else.  When I think back on that time, I still catch my breath.

Somehow amidst all that pain, three days later I thought to take an OPK and it was positive.  Hubby and I DTD in a less than ideal frame of mind but did it none the less.  I still don’t quite know how we managed it.  8 days later I felt queasy eating my toast so I did a test.  It was positive.

So, at the age of 40 during the most stressful time of my life I had sex once and got pregnant.  But alas it was not to be…..