Posts Tagged ‘IVF’

My final fling

I am about to start my final bid.  I will hopefully see my FS sometime this week for a protocol.

It’s been two months since I lost the twins and I’m only just back to ‘normal’.  I miscarried naturally but ended up in emergency with one of the foetuses trapped in my cervix.  It was excruciating but as soon as they worked out what the problem was some forceps solved it instantaneously.  I’d spent about 4 hrs in the bath prior to that point with contractions every 2 minutes and apparently my cervix wasn’t even dilated.  Thank goodness for the ER!

The following month was an emotional one mainly due to the drop in hormones.  I was very teary and depressed although it focused on the loss of my Dad two years previously rather than the twins.

Now I feel good to go – despite the fact that I’ve stacked on some kilos, although I feel sure all this hormonal messing with myself is contributing to that.  When I find out what I’m doing I will let you know.  Wish me luck!

And we start over…

I brought my Ob appointment forward to Monday.  Something ‘shifted’ on Sunday.  The fatigue lifted, as did the vague nausea and I no longer had any breast tenderness.

The US, first abdominal, then vaginal, then abdominal revealed that Twin B has also died.  No obvious cause. I’m thinking of miscarrying naturally in case a D&C will further compromise my uterus.  To date nothing at all is happening.  I don’t even have any cramping.  My Ob said it could take some time but if I find the wait too hard, to call him and he will schedule a procedure.

Emotionally I am fine.  I haven’t shed so much as a tear.  I did that already.

My plan – today – is to try ONE LAST TIME.  I will possibly do IVF so that the best embryo can be selected and now that we know Oestrogen is the answer to my lining issue I think I stand a very good chance of getting pregnant again.  As for staying pregnant – well that remains to be seen.

What a Rollercoaster

I thought that the best way to deal with my ‘lack’ of symptoms and set things to rest was to go for a scan.  My GP gave me a referral but I couldn’t get in for two weeks!  By then I would have seen my Ob and it would be unnecessary.  I finally found a place – at the back of beyond – that could do it for me last Thursday.  The day of the scan I was so nervous and quite queasy (Yay!).  When she positioned the screen so I could see what was going on I almost looked away.

After a bit of fumbling she said “We have two sacs” and then ” We have two babies”  I was very taken aback.  Who is pregnant with twins for fuck’s sake and has NO symptoms!!!  She did find a heartbeat for both Baby A was 142bpm and Baby B 139bpm.  

A bit about foetal heart rates:

Normal heart rate at 6 weeks is 90-113 bpm and at 9 weeks is 144-170 bpm. At 5-8 weeks a bradycardia (<90 bpm) is associated with a high risk of spontaneous abortion of some 80%.

I was briefly excited and so very very surprised.  Then she said they were measuring 6weeks 3 days.

I came crashing down.

I knew without shadow of a doubt that I was 7 weeks 3 days.  Something was wrong just as I suspected.  My btetas – previously high for a single – were now low for twins and the reduced doubling rate couldn’t be explained away by the higher numbers.

I have had many reassurances that it’s common to measure behind and sometimes the scan is inaccurate but I know today that all is lost.  Since the scan I once again have had a loss of all symptoms.  My breasts are barely tender.  I have no nausea and most telling of all no full feeling in my uterus.  At 8 weeks tomorrow and pregnant with twins I would have to feel something somewhere.  My pants feel looser today. 

The Ob is on Tuesday.  I feel strongly that the appointment will be to organise a D&C.

I am already planning my next move – it’s the only way I know to get through.  If DH agrees I will give one more shot with IVF where the best Embryos can be selected.  Hopefully the D&C will help to rectify my uterine lining issues as it was suggested as a possible fix a year ago.

 I can only expect the worst and hope for the best either way.

I would so love to have had twins 😦

Still plodding along

Gee time flies when you’re not doing IVF 😆

AF came Oct 14th after stopping the Crinone on the 12th.  I was anticipating something normal but sure enough 48hrs later I was once again AF free.  So, even though my lining is measuring 9mm I am not having a normal period.  Either something is up or 9mm, for me, is not ‘normal’ enough.

BFN

BFN

Went today to see Dr M about the FET.  I mentioned the above and we will try estrogen for that cycle to see if I can get it any thicker – not holding my breath.  If the FET fails – as I suspect (know) it will, I will go to see Dr S for one more stim cycle before calling it quits.  He seems a little more innovative and will try things like Viagra for my lining.  I think I’ll also go the assisted hatching route this time despite making it to blast.

This cycle’s been pretty normal so I guess thre’s not too much wrong with the ‘old’ system.  One week to go and the FET begins!!  I will take the Progynova (estrogen) and be monitored for natural ovulation.  Then six days later I’ll have ET if it defrosts OK.  Fingers are crossed and chance of a successful thaw is 70%.

Taking a break

Taking a break

On the upside we will soon be having a ‘baby’ join our family and here he is:

)

He is coming as a companion for our lonely pig ‘Cadbury’ and we get him in two weeks.  Here is Cadbury with his owner and Mum’s old ‘Pig’ Licorice.  Cadbury is on the left.

boys-and-friends

Back to normal

Today I tested although I knew the result would be BFN – which is was.  I am so completely back to normal that I harbour no illusions that it is ‘just too early’  I feel quite excited at the prospect of a month off for the first time since January ’07, although it will be a month with some sort of procedure included I’m sure.  I summed up my options with my good friend D this morning:

  • See Dr M to set in motion the FET for December
  • Wait to see Dr T on Nov 7th which is a bit late if I do a D&C assuming Dr T’s estrogen receptor theory from 6 months ago
  • See D’s boss, Dr S for a second opinion and D&C although she will get me a second opinion anyway because he’s a good guy 🙂
  • Do another stim cycle in a month
  • Ask for estrogen for either the stim or the FET
  • Arrange an HSG – although it would be unlikely to get a 9mm lining with adhesions
  • See Dr M for him to get me in earlier with Dr T- oh lordy

My feeling is still that my lining is to blame.  I realise that it shouldn’t be expected for IVF to work immediately but the way in which I felt it fail adds evidence that the embryo is not at fault.  I have no doubt that for two days I was actually pregnant and the embryo was implanting.  I had the pregnancy fatigue.  The sort that makes you feel drugged, not just that you had a late night.  Then, suddenly, it lifted, I crashed and now completely normal.  No more full feeling, no more frequent urination, no more tender boobs, no more hope.

I have moments of clarity like this often, and then I listen to people, and I get sucked in, and I waste time.  No more!  I’m going to trust my gut and get this thing sorted.  I’m going to get me a baby!!!

I also have to consider the finances.  If I squeeze another cycle in this year I will be over the safety net and potentially save myslf about $1500.  Either way I have no time to waste.

Hormonal ramblings – 4dp5dt

Hmmmm.  Maybe a bit of an overreaction yesterday (insert blushing emoticon here)  I must be hormonal – go figure.  Although, in my defense I’ve never been wrong before.  But still, I am holding on to a thin thread of hope.  Mind you I’d bite your head off as quick as look at you today so that doesn’t bode well 🙂

Decisions, decisions…

I spoke to Embryology and my transfer is booked for 11:15am tomorrow.  Now I am really agonising over how many to ask to be transferred.  My Dr will likely want only one but given my ‘lining issues’ I can’t see how this is increasing my chances.  Having said that if one works there is all likelihood both would and given my miscarriage history I don’t want to jeopardise things there either.  It is a really tough decision.

I think I will go with one.

I have Acupuncture booked for before and afterwards.  Here we go….