Posts Tagged ‘D & C’

And we start over…

I brought my Ob appointment forward to Monday.  Something ‘shifted’ on Sunday.  The fatigue lifted, as did the vague nausea and I no longer had any breast tenderness.

The US, first abdominal, then vaginal, then abdominal revealed that Twin B has also died.  No obvious cause. I’m thinking of miscarrying naturally in case a D&C will further compromise my uterus.  To date nothing at all is happening.  I don’t even have any cramping.  My Ob said it could take some time but if I find the wait too hard, to call him and he will schedule a procedure.

Emotionally I am fine.  I haven’t shed so much as a tear.  I did that already.

My plan – today – is to try ONE LAST TIME.  I will possibly do IVF so that the best embryo can be selected and now that we know Oestrogen is the answer to my lining issue I think I stand a very good chance of getting pregnant again.  As for staying pregnant – well that remains to be seen.

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What a Rollercoaster

I thought that the best way to deal with my ‘lack’ of symptoms and set things to rest was to go for a scan.  My GP gave me a referral but I couldn’t get in for two weeks!  By then I would have seen my Ob and it would be unnecessary.  I finally found a place – at the back of beyond – that could do it for me last Thursday.  The day of the scan I was so nervous and quite queasy (Yay!).  When she positioned the screen so I could see what was going on I almost looked away.

After a bit of fumbling she said “We have two sacs” and then ” We have two babies”  I was very taken aback.  Who is pregnant with twins for fuck’s sake and has NO symptoms!!!  She did find a heartbeat for both Baby A was 142bpm and Baby B 139bpm.  

A bit about foetal heart rates:

Normal heart rate at 6 weeks is 90-113 bpm and at 9 weeks is 144-170 bpm. At 5-8 weeks a bradycardia (<90 bpm) is associated with a high risk of spontaneous abortion of some 80%.

I was briefly excited and so very very surprised.  Then she said they were measuring 6weeks 3 days.

I came crashing down.

I knew without shadow of a doubt that I was 7 weeks 3 days.  Something was wrong just as I suspected.  My btetas – previously high for a single – were now low for twins and the reduced doubling rate couldn’t be explained away by the higher numbers.

I have had many reassurances that it’s common to measure behind and sometimes the scan is inaccurate but I know today that all is lost.  Since the scan I once again have had a loss of all symptoms.  My breasts are barely tender.  I have no nausea and most telling of all no full feeling in my uterus.  At 8 weeks tomorrow and pregnant with twins I would have to feel something somewhere.  My pants feel looser today. 

The Ob is on Tuesday.  I feel strongly that the appointment will be to organise a D&C.

I am already planning my next move – it’s the only way I know to get through.  If DH agrees I will give one more shot with IVF where the best Embryos can be selected.  Hopefully the D&C will help to rectify my uterine lining issues as it was suggested as a possible fix a year ago.

 I can only expect the worst and hope for the best either way.

I would so love to have had twins 😦

Back to normal

Today I tested although I knew the result would be BFN – which is was.  I am so completely back to normal that I harbour no illusions that it is ‘just too early’  I feel quite excited at the prospect of a month off for the first time since January ’07, although it will be a month with some sort of procedure included I’m sure.  I summed up my options with my good friend D this morning:

  • See Dr M to set in motion the FET for December
  • Wait to see Dr T on Nov 7th which is a bit late if I do a D&C assuming Dr T’s estrogen receptor theory from 6 months ago
  • See D’s boss, Dr S for a second opinion and D&C although she will get me a second opinion anyway because he’s a good guy 🙂
  • Do another stim cycle in a month
  • Ask for estrogen for either the stim or the FET
  • Arrange an HSG – although it would be unlikely to get a 9mm lining with adhesions
  • See Dr M for him to get me in earlier with Dr T- oh lordy

My feeling is still that my lining is to blame.  I realise that it shouldn’t be expected for IVF to work immediately but the way in which I felt it fail adds evidence that the embryo is not at fault.  I have no doubt that for two days I was actually pregnant and the embryo was implanting.  I had the pregnancy fatigue.  The sort that makes you feel drugged, not just that you had a late night.  Then, suddenly, it lifted, I crashed and now completely normal.  No more full feeling, no more frequent urination, no more tender boobs, no more hope.

I have moments of clarity like this often, and then I listen to people, and I get sucked in, and I waste time.  No more!  I’m going to trust my gut and get this thing sorted.  I’m going to get me a baby!!!

I also have to consider the finances.  If I squeeze another cycle in this year I will be over the safety net and potentially save myslf about $1500.  Either way I have no time to waste.

It’s booked

My appointment is on the 7th November but I’ll try to see if I can get an earlier cancellation.  I figure I have a month off before the earliest I can do my FET.  Time enough to have another D&C if necessary.   I may as well do something proactive.  

I feel better already, kind of calm and accepting and, as always, eternally grateful for what I already have!!!!!

My Nuchal scan phobia

December 2006 I was pregnant with my second baby.  I’d taken my time having fallen so easily with my first at 34.  He had been such a happy baby I wanted to enjoy every minute.  I like to control things.  I am a perfectionist.  There would be 2.5 years between them and I had avoided being heavily pregnant in the height of summer as I was with S.  Having had such an easy pregnancy with S, I was happy and worry free when I went to my Nuchal scan on New Years Eve.  The scan showed that the baby had died at about 11 weeks.  It came as a big shock and I lost my pregnancy innocense for ever.  Pathology showed a little girl with normal chromosomes.  Miscarriage was unexplained.

I had a D&C that day and amidst all the emotion I can remember my Dad sitting next to me while I waited for the procedure.  We were watching the aftermath of the Boxing Day Tsunami in Thailand on TV and he said ‘I guess there are worse things Love’  He was right, but at the time my emotions said otherwise.

It took a few months after that to conceive my second child N.  In February Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer which hit me like a sledge hammer.  This gave TTC a new urgency and the 5 months it took seemed like a lifetime. 

I went for every test under the sun during those first anxious weeks and once again I had a trouble free pregnancy with a gorgeous little boy to show for it.

When the time came for my Nuchal scan in August last year for baby #4, I was understandably nervous.  The Sonographer commented and I explained that I’d had bad news at this time before.  She reassured me and I can only imagine how bad she felt when she then had to break my heart again.  Thus my Nuchal Scan phobia remains firmly entrenched.  This time the baby had only just died.  It measured 12 weeks and 3 days and I was 12 weeks and 3 days that day.  Once again pathology gave me no answers.  All was normal.  It was a little Boy.