Back to normal

Today I tested although I knew the result would be BFN – which is was.  I am so completely back to normal that I harbour no illusions that it is ‘just too early’  I feel quite excited at the prospect of a month off for the first time since January ’07, although it will be a month with some sort of procedure included I’m sure.  I summed up my options with my good friend D this morning:

  • See Dr M to set in motion the FET for December
  • Wait to see Dr T on Nov 7th which is a bit late if I do a D&C assuming Dr T’s estrogen receptor theory from 6 months ago
  • See D’s boss, Dr S for a second opinion and D&C although she will get me a second opinion anyway because he’s a good guy 🙂
  • Do another stim cycle in a month
  • Ask for estrogen for either the stim or the FET
  • Arrange an HSG – although it would be unlikely to get a 9mm lining with adhesions
  • See Dr M for him to get me in earlier with Dr T- oh lordy

My feeling is still that my lining is to blame.  I realise that it shouldn’t be expected for IVF to work immediately but the way in which I felt it fail adds evidence that the embryo is not at fault.  I have no doubt that for two days I was actually pregnant and the embryo was implanting.  I had the pregnancy fatigue.  The sort that makes you feel drugged, not just that you had a late night.  Then, suddenly, it lifted, I crashed and now completely normal.  No more full feeling, no more frequent urination, no more tender boobs, no more hope.

I have moments of clarity like this often, and then I listen to people, and I get sucked in, and I waste time.  No more!  I’m going to trust my gut and get this thing sorted.  I’m going to get me a baby!!!

I also have to consider the finances.  If I squeeze another cycle in this year I will be over the safety net and potentially save myslf about $1500.  Either way I have no time to waste.


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