Not good – 3dp5dt

I woke up at 4:30am this morning and balled my eyes out.  I felt teary before I went to bed, but this was full on sadness.  I know I’m not pregnant and given the quality of the embryo it confirms that my uterus is to blame.  I should have trusted myself and ignored the doctors six months ago and had things looked at.  I guess after two Caesareans and two D&C’s after 12 weeks pregnancy, it’s taken quite a hammering.  Now I just feel tired … and sad, and I miss my Dad.  I must confess that I didn’t realise it would hit me this hard.  I’m gutted, although I’m sure the Crinone is playing it’s part.   I literally felt the moment when it all failed – just like I have several other months.  The two days after transfer I felt incredibly tired.  I had to nap each afternoon and I felt the ‘full’ feeling in my uterus I remember from previous pregnancies.  I could feel the hormone crash start last night when I wnt to bed and it hit me full on in the early hours.  This morning my uterus feels back to normal – as do I.  The IVF did nothing other than reassure me that my eggs are not to blame.  It got me no closer at all.  Each month -8dpo- I know it’s over.

It all makes me stop and think about women that do this for years in pursuit of their first child.  I am totally in awe. Their strength and courage is amazing.  

I will phone my Obgyn today for an appointment.  I want an HSG.  I have to give my frosties a fighting chance after all.  If only I’d done this first and refused to listen to the ‘old egg’ argument.


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