My Nuchal scan phobia

December 2006 I was pregnant with my second baby.  I’d taken my time having fallen so easily with my first at 34.  He had been such a happy baby I wanted to enjoy every minute.  I like to control things.  I am a perfectionist.  There would be 2.5 years between them and I had avoided being heavily pregnant in the height of summer as I was with S.  Having had such an easy pregnancy with S, I was happy and worry free when I went to my Nuchal scan on New Years Eve.  The scan showed that the baby had died at about 11 weeks.  It came as a big shock and I lost my pregnancy innocense for ever.  Pathology showed a little girl with normal chromosomes.  Miscarriage was unexplained.

I had a D&C that day and amidst all the emotion I can remember my Dad sitting next to me while I waited for the procedure.  We were watching the aftermath of the Boxing Day Tsunami in Thailand on TV and he said ‘I guess there are worse things Love’  He was right, but at the time my emotions said otherwise.

It took a few months after that to conceive my second child N.  In February Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer which hit me like a sledge hammer.  This gave TTC a new urgency and the 5 months it took seemed like a lifetime. 

I went for every test under the sun during those first anxious weeks and once again I had a trouble free pregnancy with a gorgeous little boy to show for it.

When the time came for my Nuchal scan in August last year for baby #4, I was understandably nervous.  The Sonographer commented and I explained that I’d had bad news at this time before.  She reassured me and I can only imagine how bad she felt when she then had to break my heart again.  Thus my Nuchal Scan phobia remains firmly entrenched.  This time the baby had only just died.  It measured 12 weeks and 3 days and I was 12 weeks and 3 days that day.  Once again pathology gave me no answers.  All was normal.  It was a little Boy.


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