That’s me, as I start TTC cycle #36, I think. I am doing injectables and timed intercourse. My bulk pack of OPK’s and HPT’s are winging their way to me as I type and I start Estrogen and Gonal-F tomorrow.

I don’t feel excited though. It’s more a question of ‘I hope I remember to do it all’ and I really think that this is me getting ready to throw in the towel.
Which is a good thing.

Life’s too short and I’ve invested heavily time wise already. I think I’m almost there.

At that point, when it really is okay to be done.

I would never say that you can decide it though.

It really does just happen – says she – who’s about to start all over for another month! Lol!!

Yes, I am still in the land of the living and feeling pretty good.  I have no doubt that the massive hormone fluctuations involved in IVF by their very nature make the whole process so much harder to cope with.  Back in ‘normal hormone land’ I am fairly philosophical about yet another failure.  I know that for me, the time is coming to call it quits.  But it’s not here just yet.  There are funding changes on the horizon here for IVF so it may well be to my benefit to squeeze in another attempt before the end of the year but I’m really starting to doubt that IVF can do anything for me at the current level of expertise available.  Unless I end up with multiple embryos I’m not getting that ‘best egg’ selection.  I suspect, that for me injectibles are the way to go.

So I wait out this cycle and will be interested to know what is in store.  At the moment I’m just enjoying the good old waking follicle twinges I’m getting as my poor old ovary cranks out just one egg this cycle.

As always, I’ll keep you posted.

Well actually just three letters – B.F.N.

But then I knew that so all is well. I think I’ll cut down on my progesterone just so the ‘crash isn’t so big at the end. Beta is on Monday. I’m pretty sure it will be zero, as in, not even an attempt at implantation. We’ll see.

And now it’s back to the diet. After losing 7kg I’ve managed to put on 1kg in the last three days. Damn progesterone!

Well another BFN for me today.  Still symptom free.

A list of symptoms I don’t have:

• Sore breasts
• Nausea
• Insomnia
• Pulling, tugging, twitching
• Cramping

Of course these are my non-symptoms not everyone’s.

And in true pathetic style I am still clinging to a shred of hope.  My temperature is starting to drop (I suspect tomorrow’s will make or break me) but it’s still around what it would be if i was pregnant.  To clarify I will provide an overlay of my last two pregnancy charts with this months.

This month is the orange line.  I know, I’m pathetic

Pregnancy charts overlaid

Of course the reason it could be around the right spot is that it started higher, but that is rational thought, which has no place whatsoever in an Ancient’s IVF blog :p

And more clinging – I found this:

1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
2dpt… Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt….Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells &
fetal cells
8dpt…Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt…HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on
HPT

Well no surprises here. My HPT is stark white. I know it’s ‘early’ so I will give things two more days but my distinct lack of symptoms pretty much confirm things. For me, the pregnancy give away is insomnia. In early pregnancy I feel like I can’t switch off but I’m dead tired at the same time. This cycle I’m sleeping like a log.

I figure that I have been putting one embryo into a substandard lining for three years so why someone else doing it would make a difference I don’t know. I’ll talk to my Dr about an injects cycle and take it from there.

Ho hum.

Big Fat Negative

I know it’s too early for a result but given that my last ’successful’ (as in we made it past 12 weeks) pregnancy showed a strong + at 8dpo that now tends to be my benchmark.  Combined with my ‘most sensitive HPT ever made’ tests, not even a shadow of a line does not bode well.  I have no nausea, no pulling or stretching, no stabs in my ovaries.  All of these have occurred by now in previous pregnancies.  But, I will keep on keeping on as I would love to be proved wrong

Will it come back?  I highly doubt it.

3dp3dt

I must say I’m not feeling it.  every blog I trawl for 3dp3dt has vague symptoms of gas or cramping and I also had cramping by now with the twins.  So, so far I have no indication whatsoever that this will end well.

Of course I have decided on my backup plan which always makes my disappointment easier to handle.

I’m going to do another injects cycle but with a lower dose than for the twins.  150iu of Gonal-F and a natural cycle – after a month off, of course

And here is my chart with the required temp hike but that could be from worrying about the lack of temp hike

6dp trigger
5dp retrieval
2dp3dt

I had my transfer at 9am so I had to be ready to leave home by about 7:30 am which was quite ciclised.  I haven’t been sleeping well.  I’ve had sharp pain since retrieval along with a LOT of bloating but I felt this start to improve by about lunchtime yesterday and by this morning it was quite bearable.  Plus the swelling has dramatically decreased.

I see the Embryologist who tells me she did the assisted hatching and I am getting a 10cell embryo which is starting to compact.

Then Dr T tells me it was a 12cell grade 2.  I guess both measurements are correct depending on when they were taken.  So I’m off and running.  I’m trying to take it easy but N is not helping me on this score.  Fortunately there is no risk of spontaneous jogging or any other form of exercise.

So I’m waiting, and sweating (which I assume is from the progesterone) and will keep you posted one way or the other

I called the day after retrieval and was gobsmacked to hear that of the six eggs, only one has fertilised. I didn’t imagine this scenario even at my cynical best! It was described as ‘just one of those things’ as both eggs and sperm appear just fine.

So I have transfer of my one embryo at 8am tomorrow. I am upset but realise it could have been worse – although not that much.

Decided on assisted hatching.

Doubt I’ll go down this track again but maybe I won’t have to. Not holding my breath though…

Oh, and I also think I have mild OHSS. I’m blown up like a balloon and in a quite bit of pain.