I woke up at 4:30am this morning and balled my eyes out. I felt teary before I went to bed, but this was full on sadness. I know I’m not pregnant and given the quality of the embryo it confirms that my uterus is to blame. I should have trusted myself and ignored the doctors six months ago and had things looked at. I guess after two Caesareans and two D&C’s after 12 weeks pregnancy, it’s taken quite a hammering. Now I just feel tired … and sad, and I miss my Dad. I must confess that I didn’t realise it would hit me this hard. I’m gutted, although I’m sure the Crinone is playing it’s part. I literally felt the moment when it all failed – just like I have several other months. The two days after transfer I felt incredibly tired. I had to nap each afternoon and I felt the ‘full’ feeling in my uterus I remember from previous pregnancies. I could feel the hormone crash start last night when I wnt to bed and it hit me full on in the early hours. This morning my uterus feels back to normal – as do I. The IVF did nothing other than reassure me that my eggs are not to blame. It got me no closer at all. Each month -8dpo- I know it’s over.
It all makes me stop and think about women that do this for years in pursuit of their first child. I am totally in awe. Their strength and courage is amazing.
I will phone my Obgyn today for an appointment. I want an HSG. I have to give my frosties a fighting chance after all. If only I’d done this first and refused to listen to the ‘old egg’ argument.
